How and Why Your Small Talk Skills Bring You Greater Influence
As this article from the New York Times says, "Every day around the world, an estimated 3 billion people go to work and 2.9 billion of them avoid making small talk with their co-workers once they get there."
I've got an additional take on this post. In my experience, there's small talk and then there's focused chit chat.
Small talk is when you chat with folks at work in the lunchroom, by the coffee maker, at the elevator, etc. to build rapport. Rapport builds trust. In the end, people won't remember what you say, but they will remember how you make them feel.
Chit Chat is when you deliberately take a small talk moment and share something that advances your work. It's not bragging, it's sharing a mini-story. If you don't share your work in positive ways, few will know your value.
In my classes and workshops, we practice the fine art of chit chat. It doesn’t take long for everyone to get in the swing of things.
KAREN'S CHIT CHAT FORMULA (learned from coach Liz Goodgold many years ago)
1. Chit chat is simple -- when someone asks you "How are you doing?" answer with something like:
"I'm doing great. I'm really excited about this project I'm doing to help us track our group's operations expenses. It's so cool to find efficiencies that will improve our bottom line. And I'm finding some! It's hard and challenging, yet I can't wait for the results."
2. What happens next? One of two things -- or both.
The listener gets curious and wants to know more. This is a good thing.
The listener says something like, "That's amazing," and you get to ask them about a project they are working on and what they like about it. This is also a good thing.
3. You and your listeners get energized, too. In the end, you've gone from the boring and wasted "How are you doing?" and "I'm good" to a deeper conversation about your work where people learn more about the value you bring to the table. All in a simple chit-chat format.
It's not bragging. It's the subtle art of influence in conversations. It sparks low-key word-of-mouth storytelling. Your listener, later on, will share with someone else, "Do you know what Sam is doing?! What a great project..."
*WARNING 1: Don't do chit chat ALL the time. Pick and choose your moments so you don't come across as a self-absorbed braggart. But in my experience, most people don't do chit chat at all, much to their detriment. So do a chit chat moment at least once a day and with different people.
*WARNING 2: In chit chat practice sessions, one student kept sharing about how overwhelmed she was, how challenging the project was, how stressed she was, and how she couldn't wait for her boss to come back from traveling to relieve her burden. OK -- NOT what you want to share, even if it's true. When you say these things, listeners just feel bad and won't think very highly of you. It's a downer, and not the way to influence. So be positive!
I think you will like the results.
Read more in this most excellent article by the New York Times.
